This is an entry from my journal. I like to journal when I have issues coming up that I do not understand or that are bothering me. It is usually free writing, without thoughts. It is very therapeutic for me.
The truth usually comes out in the end. It could be decades later, but one way or another it starts to reveal itself. Even when you think you have healed from something, when the truth is finally revealed and the house of cards have crumbled and you realize your reality was based all on lies, illusions, and fantasies, all of that old pain resurfaces itself and you feel like it was yesterday that everything happened. All of the pain returns. It emerges so you can finally heal from its source.
What is this pain? Is it humility? Ignorance? Was I really this blind or stupid? How could I let someone have so much power over me and of my feelings? How is it that childhood trauma replays itself over and over.
How did I date my mom and my dad at the same time? Why did it take me so long to see the patterns? I see them now, but why can’t I just say no more? Please, Lord, let me heal. Release me from this bondage. Rise me up from my ashes and make me stronger, wiser, and more resilient. I do not want to repeat these patterns any longer.
Let me release this old-self and build a new. Let me be free. Let me love from a healthy place and not a broken one. Take me out of this illusion. I refund this reality and ask for the truth in my new one.
Thank you for showing me the truth, no matter how much it hurts. Thank you for letting me get to the truth, even though it was an ugly version of myself that took me there. Now, show me how to heal from this truth. Show me my patterns that lead me to my deception so I will not repeat my past. I need a history lesson.
Clear my energy; baptize me in the truth and make me anew again. Love me and help me build my inner self-esteem to love myself even more. Let the healing begin.
The truth shall set you free.
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